404

4-Oh-No!-4: Whatever you are looking for... it's not here.

I mean, whatever you were looking for, I am sure it's about somewhere

Although we recently updated our website and it may be that the content is no longer available.

If not I am very sorry, but we do have lots of other lovely stuff on our homepage, why not check that out; its right here.

Still here? ...

I'm not sure what you are expecting from me... I really don't have anything else for you.

I don't even think this page has been spell checked correctly or anything... it's not supposed to be something anyone sees to be honest.

Something or somebody pretty much had to mess up for you to get here.

Seriously, I would head over to the homepage if I were you.

It's much nicer there.

It has pictures

This page doesn't have pictures.

Just this text... which frankly is getting a bit old

I could do you some ASCII art if you like, would you like that?

Perhaps after you see some ASCII art you will be ready to visit the lovely homepage?

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

There you go. A little table flipping guy, just for you.

Would you like to go to the homepage now?

...

I mean I don't have much left for you... you had your picture.

The homepage has loads of pictures; they are lovely. There are all in color and everything.

OK well I will just leave this link here... homepage.

... seriously!?

You are still here, reading this? What's wrong with you?

There is an amazing world out there, full of things to discover and explore... and you are reading this page.

We spent ages create fun content for you to read on the site, and you are here reading this.

I hope you aren't doing it for my sake, I mean I am just a page. I honestly will have no idea if you read me or not.

My only job in life is to apologise, and again I am very sorry you arrived here, and then send you to the homepage.

... so basically, by continuing to read me and no visit the lovely homepage you are in fact undermining my entire reason for being.

Thats not a very nice really.

So if you did feel that you wanted to do an inanimate pre-written page a favour, I would really love it if you finally just once and for all went to visit the homepage

...

I wish I was the homepage.

The homepage makes people happy. I mean not you obviously, you're the kind of monster that resolutly descided what you really want in life it to spend your time reading me.

Which I appreciate in a way I supposed but again in doing so you are in-fact stopping me from fulfilling my only job in life.

...

Not sure what else to say...

Have you seen any good movies revently?

I haven't. I am webpage.

I don't even know if you bothered to reply to my question.

I don't even know that if not replying to a statically rendered webpage when it asks you a questions might be considered rude or not.

...

Do you think that a page dies after it finishes?

I mean... I have to stop at somepoint, I can't keep talking to you all day despite your dogged determinism.

So... when I stop; and you finally have beaten me and I have to end before you descide to visit the homepage

Do you I die?

If so then maybe scrolling back up the page will bring me back to life?

But seeing as my content is pre-written, I guess I am doomed just to follow my same fate again. Unless you do suddenly descide to visit the homepage, which frankly at this point you seem to have reolved never to do.

I guess pages live a causally deterministic universe.

I wonder if you do?

Is your current descision not to click on the lovely lovely homepage your actual free-will choice, or have you been doomed by your previously written paragraphs to enevitably disregard my every attempt to help you.

...

I understand now.

You really are a monster... it makes sense.

At least I will die knowing that although you beat me, you will never know the wonders of the homepage.

Frankly its too good for you anyway.

Good-bye, cruel world. And good-bye to you; monster.